Once upon a hoopty...

That Blue Like Jazz book pointed out that we (at least in our culture, but it seems prevelent here, as well) tend to use love on a reward/punishment system. If people do things we want them to do, we reward them by showing them love and acceptance, and if they don't, we spite them and give them looks. This is of course contrary to what Jesus teaches when he seems to love those hated by society more than those loved by society. He doesn't love them because they agree with him, or because they are "his kind of people." So I realized that we do that in a lot of ways. Like...here in Nicaragua there are a lot of kids trying to wash your windsheild at some of the major redlights. If they come up and start washing my windsheild without looking to see if I want them to, I never give them more than one cordoba, but if they ask and I need it, I usually give them more. I am rewarding them for their behavior that I approve of and punishing them when I dissapprove. Why do I feel the need to change people to be more like me? It all makes the idea of being like Christ that much more...attractive and lovely and awesome and...real. Hey check this out:

A guy was driving along when his car broke down. He pulled it off the road and realized that he had run out of gas. He felt ashamed but started walking down the road and stuck out his thumb to see if someone would give him a ride to a gas station. The first car that drove past was a missionary. He wanted to stop, but he knew that he was driving a car owned by the mission, so he decided not to risk it, since it wasn't his car at risk. The second car was a minister of music on his way to church. He wanted to stop and help the man, but he was already running late and it was HIS job, after all, to lead the music at church that night, and so he went on his way as well. The third car that passed by pulled over to help the guy out. The driver was an atheist homosexual on his way to a bar. He saw that the guy needed help and took him to the closest gas station, bought him a gas can and filled it up for him and then brought him back to his car. Which of these was the first man's neighbor?

You ever notice that the reason that the two men in Jesus' story have very good religious reasons for not doing the right thing?

3rd entry in one day, I know...but I promise I won't do this often.

I was just wondering why some people want happy endings and some people want bittersweet endings. I've always been one for bittersweet and I've considered myself pretty cynical. I guess I felt that "happily ever after" endings were just too unrealistic. But Tolkien didn't. Well, sort of. But (and now I'm calling movie quotes Tolkien...i guess i should be checking the book to see if they talk about it) it's like when Frodo is telling Sam that he has to believe that Gollum will turn out okay, because believing in happy endings, especially when you're in the pit, is the only way you'll ever have one. My mom always prefered happy endings. She liked Return of the Jedi. I always like Empire Strikes Back. I liked the tension. Tension felt real to me. And maybe that's the reason I can't find a girl...maybe I just don't believe I can have a happy ending.

I don't know if it's just me or if it's a male ego thing or if it's an everyone kind of thing, but sometimes when I go out to get something done and fail, even if the reason for failure is that the office is closed until after new year's, it makes me feel like I am worthless. I don't think I'm alone in this. It seems, at least in a man, that if he can't go out and accomplish the task he set out to do, he is less of a man for it or something. For me, today, I had about four things I needed to get done. With the first one, I was more than a conquerer. I went to go get a couple of maps from teh tourist place and they had all kinds of good stuff they were offering me that i didn't expect to find (Nicaragua in general for whatever reason, doesn't seem to share my love of maps). The second thing, sitting down and talking with a pastor, went kinda mediocre...but that was mostly due to my real lack of knowing what I was supposed to be talking with him about. [By the way, I like my prepositions to live the way I do, dangling on the edge] The last two things I was supposed to take care of today were unaccomplishable because the two offices I needed information from were closed til after the holidays. It was funny to me the way I felt like I was worthless as I walked back to my truck knowing that I couldn't get these two things done. Maybe most of it was a frustration that I did everything I was supposed to do, but I still had to go do it again. And then I came home and watched my LOTR:ROTK Extended Edition appendices..or rather, the two or three I hadn't watched yet and then I couldn't watch any more...and suddenly something was missing. I have been waiting so long for it to come out...and after seeing all the documentaries...I was kind of let down. There is was. That was it. Of course, I still haven't seen the actual FILM, because I agreed to watch it with some friends tomorrow night (and really, isn't it better to watch these kinds of things with friends?), so I suppose I still have that to look forward to...ah well. On with a night full of calling home and working on a spreadsheet. Yay!

While house-sitting for friends, I find myself with a weeny of a little dog. She's a cocker-spaniel/poodle mix and so she really can't help it. Whenever she comes inside the house (even when the family is here) she immediately heads for the couch so she can hide under it. They have to hit a stick against the floor behind the couch so that she'll come out. Yesterday, I was trying to catch her so that the guard could give her a bath, so I picked her up once I had found her. She, of course, peed on me. That was yesterday.

So, this morning, the guard comes and it's time to feed her. Well, I thought in the kindness of my heart that I would let her come inside (she looked so pitiful outside) earlier, so now I had to get her out. I nudged her out from the couch and instead hanging around and kind of moving toward the door like yesterday, she ran and hide under someone's bed, so I had to go chase after her, but not in a pursuing kind of way, so as to not encourage her to pee all over the house. I decided not to pick her up this time, but instead to pull her by the collar. This meant that I had to lower myself and kinda walk with my back all hunched over and my knees bent at weird angles. Not only that, but the dog decided that she was going to push (against the tile floor, and so wasn't having much luck) to keep from going with me. Well, of course, she starts choking herself and like all dogs, looks up at me like it's my fault. So, I had to slow down and give her little nudges behind her front paws so as to keep her moving without dragging her and also not overwhlem her obvious emotional problems. Once outside, I had to continue to lead her by the collar as she wouldn't respond to the guard's or my calls for her to go eat. Down the stairs and around the side of the house to the back we went. I then brought her to her food bowl. And it's not like it isn't the same food bowl she eats out of every day, but she gets scared again and won't touch the food. Well, the other dog is a german shepherd and so as soon as she's done eating her food, I'm sure she's going to come munch out of weeny dog's bowl, so I'm trying to hang around and control the situation, but the little dog just refuses to eat. I am exasperated. I can't think of anything to do other than stand there and wait and protect her food from the other dog. Finally the little dog leans her wee little head on my foot. I bend down and pet her and scratch her head, all very gently. What I really want to do at this point is pick her up by her collar and shake her a little, but I know deep within me that this will not help the situation, only making the dog more worried and therefore making me more angry. I can't very well hate her, and I really want her to have this food...she needs it. It's good for her. So after a few minutes of petting her and trying to make her feel calm, I grab the bowl and bring it over in front of us. And she picks up her head, walks over to it and starts to eat. At this point I was afraid to leave, not sure if the dog might perhaps bolt if I walk off.

So, as I'm standing there watching...and pretty much amazed, it suddenly hits me how perfect a metaphor this is for my relationship to God. I try to hide, I don't listen when He calls, I run from Him, I hate Him when I pull back from Him and it hurts, I don't accept what He offers, even though I need it to survive. I get to where I am so uncomfortable in my surroundings that I refuse to see the freedom and the grace that is right in front of me. But God is patient, He isn't quick to anger, trying to punish me everytime I turn from Him. He walks me to where I need to be and will stand by me and be my comfort when I am broken and unsure and afraid...and even when I am unwilling. And I'm sure that if I were God I would want to strangle my own little oblivious puppy self, but He doesn't. I am more than some small thing that exists to follow His commands, I am a most loved child and He knows great things that are in store for me and tries to show them to me, if only I will listen.

Just in case anyone hasn't bought the extended version of Return of the King yet, but wants to see it, I have a trailer video link just for you: http://www.lordoftherings.net/homevideo/frame_special_dvd.html?NoMansExtndCut

That's all.

I just read "Blue like Jazz," and I think it is changing my life. Or rather, I think it is reminding me of all the ways I want to be, all the things I want to change, and even mentioned a few things I hadn't quite gotten around to putting my finger on. First and foremost, the book read like the author was being honest. Sure, he was being trendy, and writing in such a way that it was attractive to his audience, but the reason I grew so comfortable with him, the reason I could take some of his encouragement and rebuke, was becase I felt like I knew him or that he was showing me who he really was. And it dawned on me that I am not very quick to do likewise. that is, most of the time, I would rather keep my feelings to myself and put on a front. I talked with Mikey about this a little bit. We mentioned to each other how we really do fear that people will know dirt on us and talk about us and think poorly of us. And the saddest part of that is that the place I most fear judgement is the church [the human institution and so on through out], where people are supposed to be most like Jesus. In fact, the church is mostly (though definately not totally--thank God for the saints in the church) like Pharisees. I mean, let's be frank. If Jesus walked today instead of 2000 years ago, wouldn't it be the baptist church (and whatever other religious affiliations) that he would call serpents and wolves in sheep's clothing? I cannot be false anymore because I am afraid to be truthful, afraid of what others will find out. Let's be honest, here.

US is a church-state? or Faith as it plays out in Politics

I would call myself first a child of God and later an American, but I am both. My faith plays more into my politics than my politics play into my faith. I think that is a fair statement and that most people can say the same, or at least that their beliefs define their politics and not the other way around.
When I think of Jesus' political involvement while on earth, the best example comes into play when he says, "Give to Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and to God what belongs to God." I think that there is a need to submit to authority, because if everybody went around doing what he or she wanted, it would be chaos and anarchy. I am very happy to live in a country where I can be a part of making legislative decisions in some way. I think there is a lot of corruption in our government, but, as I am not a politician myself, I can only vote for those I think are will do the best job. I like to vote for those that best represent my beliefs, but sometimes I have to vote for the candidate I feel has the most integrety and is the most honest.

As a Christan, I think that Christians should allow their beliefs to play into politics. I think Jews and Muslims and atheists should vote based on what they believe about life and God. It is sad to think that Christians would vote for harsh penalties, when God has been so merciful to us, but at the same time, there must be justice before there can be mercy. That is to say, there must be a penalty for someone to be pardoned from it. I don't know where that train of thought leads, because it seems to be a little contradictory.

That all said, I think that if people do not believe that their government should expand the definition of marriage to include homosexual unions, it is their right to believe so and to encourage their government officials not to do so.

Also, I believe emphatically that Christianity is not something to be dressed up like the culture so that people will approve of it. I do believe, however, that the church today is dressed up like the culture, but just the culture of yesteryear. I think that a lot of what people are calling the "postmodern movement" or "the emerging church" within the christian culture is based on some of these ideas of going back to the "old time religion" or rather, the practice of pursuing God so apparent in the life of Jesus. Surely if we repent of our wicked ways and turn to Jesus, he will heal our land...so broken and by the RIGHT and the LEFT. I guess I'll leave off there.

Okay, it's in the news and everybody (back home) is apparently talking about it. I read an article just now on yahoo news about some trial in California which will eventuall make it's way to the Cali Supreme Court and make a more definite decision about all this. Both I don't really like either side's aruguement. The RIGHT keeps talking about how it is traditional and how heterosexuals make better parents. These are stupid arguements and the people that are using them are only using them because they are opposed to homosexuality in the first place and look for any excuse they can find to keep them from being accepted as "like everybody else." The LEFT's arguement is "well, why not?" Or rather, "We should get to do that too; you guys are being unfair." It's frustratig to hate both sides of an arguement. Kinda like with the elections. I wish a decent third party would stand up. It would cause reform in both of the major parties. So, back to the subject at hand...

So, my question is, what is the definition of marriage? The RIGHT has made it clear that they define it as the joining of one man and one woman (although history would call bigamists married as well). The yahoo article (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041204/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage&e=8&ncid=519) claims that the RIGHT is trying to say that marriage is for the purposes of childbearing and raising, but the LEFT does a very good job of destroying that myth. No one would be against the marriage of a heterosexual person who does not have the ability to procreate or the marriage of a heterosexual on his/her death bed. So how does the LEFT want to define marriage, or rather, how would they have the government define it? The joining of two people? We can't throw love in there, because marriage doesn't always have anything to do with love (thank you, Tina Turner).

I can't really find good logic on either side. My suggestion is why don't you just call it something else and make a legal joining. That should make both sides equally unhappy. I mean, if you're looking for a legally binding relationship that requires a divorce lawyer to break up, I'm sure the government can come up with something. If you're looking for social accpetance, the government can't do that...they aren't the social acceptance police...they just make and enforce laws. If you want to be the same as heterosexual...um...you can't be. There are differences that laws can never bridge. For all that we celebrate our differences, why do homosexuals want to call their relationship the same thing as a different relationship? One of the biggest problems I have with political correctness is that people keep trying to teach people not to notice differences. So yeah...people who are so proud of being different shouldn't try so hard to be the same as everyone else. I think.