Once upon a hoopty...

Wow. Coming home. So, I'm in the States and have been for about two and a half weeks. People keep asking, "how does it feel to be home?" and the answer is that I don't know, yet. It's such a mix of emotions. I feel stronger and weaker; fearful and more sure of myself. My happiness and sadness are on a continual roller coaster. Things move so quickly here that I haven't had the chance to stop and breathe. I find myself faced with my weaknesses in places where I didn't expect such a confrontation. I am happy to find that I am much stronger, in many ways, from when I left and my parents are willing to accept that. I made the two big trips: Nashville for family and Tallahassee for friends and survived both trips. Well, I did take some sort of injury in Tally, apparently, because I came home nasty sick. I have only ever been sicker when i was in Nicaragua and I had some kind of parasite. I am almost used to being around my parents again and though my sister and I quickly found each other's pressure points during the holiday, it was a welcome to see her again and nice to see how quickly and amiably we get over our disagreements. Nobody gets my trip and I mostly don't want to talk about it. It was two years of my life and it was my job for those years. Some parts are easy to sum up, but anyone who asks "How was Nicaragua?" is not going to get a satisfactory answer, because it's not like I was down there for a vacation. And you can't explain to people in the States what Nicaragua is like, especially people who have never left the country, or who have done so and only stayed in resorts. Because it's not "like the U.S., except they speak spanish;" I mean, they don't even think the same way. They have completely different values (well, not completely, but so much so that it is better to assume a difference than to assume likeness to my own understandings of the world around me). I mentioned to someone that it seems like all the things I had hoped would change, stayed the same and the things I hoped would never change, did. Going to stores: Wal-mart, Grocery Store, whatever, is a big ordeal for me. I get stressed out. I don't stop going, because I know I need to get used to things again. And I am getting used to things. I foresee things going well over Christmas break and I'll be getting some kind of job soon and things will turn into some kind of routine. I have been able to keep my head through the chaos of the last few weeks and as my body recovers from its violent physical reaction to its return to its native land, I too am discovering how to stand on my feet again here. I miss my Nicaragua, my Nicaragüita, but it is also good to be back. And life goes on....