Monday, February 11, 2008
Confessions of a Late-Night Cover-Stealer
I am a cover stealer. I steal the covers in the middle of the night, right after you've made yourself perfectly comfortable and planned against whatever temperature drops might be expected. And I'm good at it, too. My best technique is stealing only the sheet, while the blankets on top remain unmoved, so that if you wake up and feel cold and look around you'll think all the covers are in place, while I am wrapped up in the entire sheet. I've also perfected stealing the middle cover. This one's a little more difficult and has taken some time to learn. I'll steal both the sheet and the blanket under the comforter and then when you wake and demand back the covers, I'll only hand back the sheet, leaving an extra layer of covers over my greedy body.
And the best part is that if you were to decry me a thief, I can always respond that I was asleep, apologize profusely, and use my sleepy puppy-dog eyes. There are few crafts that can be perfected while one is completely unconscious, but I have mastered this illustrious art. So sleep. Close your eyes and relax. No amount of pre-planning will keep safe your covers. No my-side/your-side technique will stay me. Nay, I will not stop short of victory: the covers, all of them, will be mine! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!
...oh, come on baby, you don't really want me to sleep on the couch, do you?
And the best part is that if you were to decry me a thief, I can always respond that I was asleep, apologize profusely, and use my sleepy puppy-dog eyes. There are few crafts that can be perfected while one is completely unconscious, but I have mastered this illustrious art. So sleep. Close your eyes and relax. No amount of pre-planning will keep safe your covers. No my-side/your-side technique will stay me. Nay, I will not stop short of victory: the covers, all of them, will be mine! I AM UNSTOPPABLE!
...oh, come on baby, you don't really want me to sleep on the couch, do you?
