Saturday, April 19, 2008
Me
I feel like I've lost me a little bit.
I've been so busy over the last year with getting married and job changes and buying a house that when I stopped and had some free time today, I didn't know what to do with it. And I mean real free time: all of the major projects around the house have been completed. All the files have been organized, I've come to a level of satisfaction with finding a place for a lot of things. All the little weekly projects are mostly caught up, too: the yard has been mowed, the dishes are done, the laundry is clean and folded and put away and I had endless possibilities for what I could do today. But there's not really anything I want to do today. I don't want to sleep (i feel like I've slept too much). I don't want to read. I just feel gross.
It feels like it's been so long since I actually had time to do what I wanted to do. I usually fill my "me" time by relaxing with a book or tv show/movie or by accomplishing some tasks that need to happen. Having actually accomplished all the tasks I can think of ... it worries me that I was having a lot of fun when I was at work this morning, but that I felt dimmed after I got home and did one or two things I wanted to do.
It's like I don't have opinions anymore. I know what movies I would like to see, but that's about it. I don't know what i want to eat (or where). When did this happen? Have I become some sort of drone? Is it possible that I've made such a big deal out of agreeing with people or trying to be likable that I don't have a personality anymore? Am I just thinking too much while the sky is kinda cloudy? Maybe.
No answers. Oh well.
I've been so busy over the last year with getting married and job changes and buying a house that when I stopped and had some free time today, I didn't know what to do with it. And I mean real free time: all of the major projects around the house have been completed. All the files have been organized, I've come to a level of satisfaction with finding a place for a lot of things. All the little weekly projects are mostly caught up, too: the yard has been mowed, the dishes are done, the laundry is clean and folded and put away and I had endless possibilities for what I could do today. But there's not really anything I want to do today. I don't want to sleep (i feel like I've slept too much). I don't want to read. I just feel gross.
It feels like it's been so long since I actually had time to do what I wanted to do. I usually fill my "me" time by relaxing with a book or tv show/movie or by accomplishing some tasks that need to happen. Having actually accomplished all the tasks I can think of ... it worries me that I was having a lot of fun when I was at work this morning, but that I felt dimmed after I got home and did one or two things I wanted to do.
It's like I don't have opinions anymore. I know what movies I would like to see, but that's about it. I don't know what i want to eat (or where). When did this happen? Have I become some sort of drone? Is it possible that I've made such a big deal out of agreeing with people or trying to be likable that I don't have a personality anymore? Am I just thinking too much while the sky is kinda cloudy? Maybe.
No answers. Oh well.
# posted by Adam @ 2:24 PM 
Comments:
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I don't think you've become a drone. A drone would not eat poptarts while reading about poptart trees. Drones prefer toaster streudel, duh. I think you are experiencing the limbo that many of us (ok, just me that I know of- I hope it's not just me and you)are living in. We're at that perfect age where we are too old to have the college student excuse, but we are too young to be seen as a "real grown up". We don't have the wide spread paths of before, nor the defining path that is to come. We're right there at that fork, but we're not moving yet. I kind of feel like I've been (like you) working to get things done, but then I don't have anything to do. Join a group or choose a hobby to master. It's helped me to get back into ultimate. I have something to do and people to hang out with and it is scheduled into my time. I'm sorry you're feeling blah. I know eventually we will move out of limbo.
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