Once upon a hoopty...

First of all, let me say that I didn't realize I had such an audience (all four of you) and it is such a pleasure to read your greetings and encouragement. Thanks!

Today deserves mention (Junior won deservable mention for his science fair project, honey). Morning started with a jolt, even though I woke up at 5,6, and 7 before shooting out of bed at 7:09. I went through my list of internet news sources (Yahoo, Google, Fox, Miami herald, and La Prensa) and carried on light morning IM conversation (always a pleasure). Next thing I know it's 9 and I get a phone call while I'm in the shower. Plans change for the day, and I fear the worst: I'm not going to leave the house. I hate it when that happens. I get to work writing up expense reimbursements and actually turn them in without the money man having to get onto me. YES! I picked up Count of Monte Cristo last night and continued to read a chapter here and there throughout the day. Suddenly at 2, life gets on track and plans fall into place. I meet with Carey who is going to help me throw a Cinco de Mayo party (ATTENTION ALL NORTH AMERICANS, CINCO DE MAYO IS A SPECIFICALLY MEXICAN HOLIDAY AND IS NOT CELEBRATED HERE. THAT WOULD BE LIKE AUSTRAILIA CELEBRATING JULY 4TH. The joke here, is that we're celebrating it anyway). Incidentally, it's mostly a 5/5/05 party because three numbers lining up all the same is always a good reason to throw a party. So, make sure and keep your 11/11/11 schedule open, cause that's just way to many ones in a row not to have a party. She came and looked at the house to kinda get an idea of the space and what we can do. I am very afraid this party is going to tank, but I really have already committed myself, so...we'll see. On the way to drop her off, I pick up Alex, who is a really nice guy and smart and who proceeded to show me around the audio stores in town. I thought maybe he knew of stores that I didn't. Turned out I knew all of them. But it was nice to have a Nica ask for a "cotizacion" (um...price check?) at all the stores. I dropped him off and went to go grocery shop, running into the beloved West family. I went from there to order my sushi (YAY!) and while it was busy cooking (no, see, that was supposed to be funny....read it again) I went to go return a late video for the Wests...since I held on to it too long. It was Garden State incidentally and was absolutely amazing! Not terribly thought-provoking, but it did make me intensely lonely and long achingly for a female companion in a romantic relationship. I mean, what else can you really ask for in a movie, right? So, while I'm at the video store they sell me the poster for Garden State (Who knew all you had to do was ask?!?) for roughly $3 (50 cordobas for all you Nicaraguan monetary unit understanders). Purchase of said movie happened only after the discovery of America's Sweethearts for $5, which I figured was a decent deal for a movie I had wanted to see, but never got around to. I mean...if it ends up being so bad that I'll wish I didn't own it, I can always give it away and cut the loss and not really worry about it.

So, on the way home, I'm thinking about ole Edmond Dantes down in his prison (Monte Cristo) and how he was thinking about vengence against his enemies and how even if he was justified in his hatred of the three men who had wronged him, it wasn't the better choice. Ew. Let me try that again. I can't seem to put it to words. It's like...they caused him earthly pain. Should they suffer punishment for this? Sure. Is it Dantes' place to give it to them? or Can his killing them bring about justice? Is his intent to hurry their journey to their Judge? The book is full of religious language and obviously plays a large part in his thinking and in the theme of the book. So then it dawned on me, an epiphany: What happens on this earth is insignificant in terms of what someone may do to me. It's not a big deal. Be they evil and wrong in every sense, all they can do is make me uncomfortable. They can take my things, they can break my pride, they can take those I love and they can take my life. All of these are things I would prefer not to happen and most of which would bring great anguish, some of them anguish beyond words. But really, these things pale in comparison to what I have in God. And that's why I must be able to forgive those who have done me wrong, whether it be in ways great or small. And I realize this and it frees me. I don't have to hold another grudge against anyone for anything. If nothing else, I must pity those who think that taking from me will make their lives better or those that treat me with any disrespect, unaware of how much harder they are making life on themselves. Even if it is someone who has broken my heart. How can I hold that against them? What if, in my forgiving what they did to me, it enables them to understand mercy? Is that not a much higher and greater thing than having exacted my revenge? I'm tired of revenge, it takes too much out of me; while forgiveness, on the other hand, fills me. I want to choose forgiveness.