Once upon a hoopty...

I am slowly realizing a concept I decided was true a long time ago that seperates me from people like my sister. I depend on things to work themselves out naturally. This may stem from my overwhelming fear of making decisions, because if things are just going to work themselves out, why do I need to rock the boat and mess things up? Maybe I just want to believe things will work out naturally so I don't have to freak when it becomes too late in the game to affect the situation and I still don't know what I want. I told my sister lately that I didn't know what I wanted and she came back saying, "You don't know? Adam, that's so basic!" And it is basic, to know what one wants...which makes me feel like even more of a freak for not knowing. Am I missing something inside that gives me preference? It stretches to all parts of my life...and in the minor details it's a little refreshing "Blue toothbrush or red?" "I don't care, I just want a toothbrush; whichever you don't want." There is no fear to make a decision in this situation, there is just absolutely no preference. And I can argue with philosophical and theological matters all day, but even then, I mostly just argue as Devil's advocate, to make sure the person I'm arguing with sees the merits of the other side. So here it is: I either want to just agree with everyone or argue with them so that they can be on their way to being as indecisive as I am. Cause really, I'd mostly just rather give up that have to make a decision. I'm a jerk like that. What do you want to do for a living, Adam? Gee Willakers, I don't know! I'd just as soon get a job at McDonald's. I have no motivation and no drive. It's like I'm a bad American (a fact that is probably heightened by the fact that I am living as an ex-patriot).