Once upon a hoopty...

God called me to amazing fast in dependence this past week. My fast was to eat no food, but what was offered to me. The first thing I did was plan out where I was probably going to get offered meals in the next couple of days...and every time, I was wrong. Each and every meal I thought might happen through the weekend bailed on me. I was getting pretty hungry...it was the strongest I've been tempted to eat during a fast ever. Or, at least, it seemed like the strongest at the time...and I suppose it always does. :) Sunday night I agreed to take a friend of mine to church. I was kinda bummed that we showed up after it was over (i thought it started at 6 instead of 5), and on the way home, she up and offers to buy me a burger from McDonald's. God bless her. Stuff like this happened all week. In the final moments of fasting, I'm sitting in a meeting, writing down and thinking out strategy, when it hits me. Here I am, trying to plan out what God wants to do to reach the people of Nicaragua. We have obviously found a simple concept that seems to be blessed by God, but now I'm trying to steer the ship and decide who should be reached by this and not letting God show me where to go. I have been crying out much of late, "What do you want, God?" and finally I heard the answer. The same answer it's always been since day 1: "Your availability, Adam." Wasn't this God's call to every Israelite leader or prophet? Wasn't this Jesus' call to those who wanted to follow him? I will tell you the truth, it was his call to me. I heard, as clear as I've ever heard from any physical lips: "...as you are now, you are not usable the way I want to use you. So, get up off your butt and follow me!" I have forgotten the first rule of being a follower: I am supposed to follow. I also asked God, "What should my agenda be?" and he said, "PRAYER. Depend on me, Adam." And so, even though I was sitting in a chair in the meeting, I kneeled in my heart and said "You don't need me here, would you use me here?" And our conversation was finished. Sometimes it is not God's job to provide answers just because I want to hear them. It isn't my job to figure out the plan. It is my job to be obedient and faithful with what I have been given. But above and before all else, I need to depend on God to provide all that I need when I need it, even if I think I need it earlier. I don't have to be in control.