Saturday, April 19, 2008

 

Me

I feel like I've lost me a little bit.

I've been so busy over the last year with getting married and job changes and buying a house that when I stopped and had some free time today, I didn't know what to do with it. And I mean real free time: all of the major projects around the house have been completed. All the files have been organized, I've come to a level of satisfaction with finding a place for a lot of things. All the little weekly projects are mostly caught up, too: the yard has been mowed, the dishes are done, the laundry is clean and folded and put away and I had endless possibilities for what I could do today. But there's not really anything I want to do today. I don't want to sleep (i feel like I've slept too much). I don't want to read. I just feel gross.

It feels like it's been so long since I actually had time to do what I wanted to do. I usually fill my "me" time by relaxing with a book or tv show/movie or by accomplishing some tasks that need to happen. Having actually accomplished all the tasks I can think of ... it worries me that I was having a lot of fun when I was at work this morning, but that I felt dimmed after I got home and did one or two things I wanted to do.

It's like I don't have opinions anymore. I know what movies I would like to see, but that's about it. I don't know what i want to eat (or where). When did this happen? Have I become some sort of drone? Is it possible that I've made such a big deal out of agreeing with people or trying to be likable that I don't have a personality anymore? Am I just thinking too much while the sky is kinda cloudy? Maybe.

No answers. Oh well.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

 

April Showers

I now understand that the stupid little "april showers" rhyme from childhood was supposed to be a reminder that the rain won't last forever. I am so sick of cold and rain. I miss Florida. I really enjoyed having a fall this year... but I sorta wish it would have gone straight into spring, like it used to when i was growing up. Stupid temperate climes....

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